Why is 'if' the middle word in life?

Wake, work, wish, sleep. Rinse and repeat. We all fall into the trap of making a living, fighting the good fight, and trying to pay the house off early. Yet while we are doing all of this, life is passing right through us, around us, and rushing headlong into eternity. When I stop to consider the “if” part of life, I have to wonder how I will measure up when life is over. I always have to be “here” or do “that” or change “this.” Do I really live, or am I busy existing? It is this thought that keeps my brain grinding like a locomotive everyday and night of my life. Sometimes what I see scares me and makes me wonder if I am merely the jester of the king’s court. Perhaps I am fooling myself instead of everyone else. Perhaps I have lost my edge. Perhaps I’ve lost my focus.

And then I meet her.

She’s this quiet, little thing that graces my Monday classroom with the soft presence of a snowflake. I can see she’s timid because she’s new. I know how it feels to be new. Uncertainty blankets her face, and I can see that she is sizing me up and wondering what sort of monster I might be. And then the jester comes out and dashes her stoic face and fearful countenance. I see a smile. It is a typical smile, but it warms my soul. I begin to consider just why I’m here. The “if” in life starts to focus again.

• If I do my best for her and all my other students, what might happen?

• If I drop my preconceived notions about how things are, what will I learn?

• If I give just a little more of myself, can I bring these kids something they need?

Flash forward to today, Friday. I get a book with a note from Ms. Snowflake. It reads,

“Hey what’s up? I just wanted to say “hey” to my favorite teacher…”

I’m stunned. On day 5? I don’t deserve this. Yet there it is. I am holding it in my hand. I am reading it with my eyes.

I think I remember what the “if” means now.